This is terrible. I am completely in the dark about when the surgeries are going to start. I feel awful not being able to give people definitive answers about RSVPs.
"Are you coming to the wedding?"
YES... probably... about 96% sure timing will be okay,
but there is a chance I will look like a gopher with the gap I might have.
"Can you make it to the Bachelorette Party in Nashville?"
...Yeesss?? I hope. I think.
"Jordan, we're going to be in the US (Vegas) next month! Join us!"
I WANT TO SO MUCH, but I don't know if I'll be recovering from surgery at this time.
"Hi Jordan! We're a perfect family in Germany. Can you be our Au Pair?"
*sound of my heart shattering* ... No...
"Hello, we are a non-profit in Italy. We incorporate American culture in a summer camp for our kids. It is 2 months paid for if you'll be a counselor!"
Again, *sound of my heart shattering* ...I can't right now.
The list goes on!
I'm not mad, and I don't blame anyone for the wait. It's only been three weeks, and I know that's pretty normal. It just so happens that I get invited to a million exciting things all at once when I cannot commit to them. That seems to be how my life goes at times though. Nothing to do when I am available and seeking adventure, but as soon as I CAN'T, the offers are overflowing.
This jaw journey has uprooted my ideal little 1-2 year plan: graduate, travel, au pair, then come back and teach. Nope!
Now it's this big juggle of what needs to be done and when. This whole procedure will take 18 months, give or take a few. Months where I need close to home, so I can make it to orthodontic appointments, pre-op appointments, the actual surgeries, and follow ups. It also means I will soon have my smile manipulated a mouth very full of metal again.
Now it's this big juggle of what needs to be done and when. This whole procedure will take 18 months, give or take a few. Months where I need close to home, so I can make it to orthodontic appointments, pre-op appointments, the actual surgeries, and follow ups. It also means I will soon have my smile manipulated a mouth very full of metal again.
So, that brought the question, do I do this now and get it over with? Or do my traveling as I planned and have to go through all of this when I'm a few years older? Obviously, I chose the first. I want to get it done; out of the way, so I can move along without these worries hanging over me.
BUT THEN I have to ask myself if I am still going to travel afterwards.
BUT THEN I have to ask myself if I am still going to travel afterwards.
Can I? Of course!
Will I? I hope!
It gets so tough not letting society and the people in your life pressure you into thinking it is wrong to take the road less traveled. There are so many questions friends and family can ask that make me hesitate to do what I really want. "When you you start teaching?" "What about your family?" "Are you going to move abroad forever?" "You'll miss this and that." "Do you ever want to meet someone?" "Don't you need an income?" "Are you going to move out?"
*Big, big, heavy sigh...*
I know I've strayed from the topic of the blog a little bit, but it's all intertwined for me. This surgery is pushing the plans I had. I am hoping it will just push them back and not completely out of the way.
But for now I will continue to wait...
But for now I will continue to wait...
Hi Jordan! This is Michelle E. from high school. I saw that no one has commented yet, so I wanted to leave you one! Your plans to travel and be an au pair sound amazing! My bet is that they sound so amazing that in 18 months you will still want those plans. You're still young enough to do whatever you can responsibly do with your life, and that will still be true in a year and a half, or even in several years. And don't worry about finding your future spouse. When I started working at the zoo, I realized it's actually a little weird that I got married so early- there are tons and tons of single thirty-somethings, so I would say you even have an entire decade before society would consider you old! This got really preachy and I didn't mean for it to, but I want you to know that you are not trapping yourself. You're awesome! You can do anything!
ReplyDeleteYou've got amazing friends and family by your side, Jordan. And don't forget that everything happens for a reason and God has BIG plans for you. Bigger and better things will come when the time is right. Thinking about you!
ReplyDeleteLove,
Hailey Love :)